Where on earth did the producers of The Restaurant dig up the latest contenders? Wherever, bravo! One thing seemed fairly clear, they were not selected for their cooking skills.

Did you see that poor girl trying to breach the coconut by clutching a lethal kitchen knife by the blade in her fist, while smashing the handle with the rolling pin? Then trying to open a tin by the same method? Thank heaven she and her mum were sent home straight away before she severed an artery.

How about the lady who bought a packet of Asda smoked salmon and served it with some vermilion cabbage and bread and butter?

The strange blonde gentleman who kept winking at Raymond? “Why do you keep weenking at me?” asked Raymond.

The military two-some who gravely announced that they would not hesitate to use their martial skills on any difficult customers?

The two girls who couldn’t cook peas?

The odd young man who couldn’t think of a name for his restaurant, let alone explain the concept?

As far as I could see, the only edible dish, out of the nine produced, was a chocolate fondant.

While the contenders provided the slapstick comedy that had me in tears, it was the three judges – Raymond Blanc, Sarah Willingham and David Moore who served up the best moments with their pained winces and facial expressions. Raymond chewing, chewing, chewing the delightful Nigerian ladies’ mutton stew, Willingham’s wide-eyed shock and Moore’s raised eyebrows at the general level of incompetence. Lovely subtle humour here.

From this first episode, I think this series is to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Bring it on.