At first, I did. Going to a Roman Catholic school from the age of 5 to 12, God ruled much of my life, and I was very frightened of him. He was all-seeing, all-knowing and able to STRIKE YOU DOWN, and condemn small girls to Hell or worse if they were wicked – talked in assembly, ran in corridors, or didn’t pay attention. Yes, God scared the shit out of the small me.
It worried me greatly how easy it was to fall foul of God. Even newborn babies were not safe from his wrath: if they died, through no fault of their own, with the original sin on their souls (if he was all-powerful and could do anything, why couldn’t he have arranged for souls to be clean when they were first issued?) then they were automatically doomed to stay in Limbo.
If God who, it was drilled into us eight times a day at least, was loving, kind and merciful, I wondered why he wanted us to get out of bed of bitter mornings and kneel in an icy chapel with blue fingers, saying the same thing day after day after day. Why did he give me hay-fever every year? Why did he let let my parents divorce? Why did he let my friend’s father be killed in a car crash? Why did he allow these things to happen? Did he like making people miserable? What happened to the loving kind part? Or maybe it was personal – perhaps he just hated me? My fear of him developed into mistrust and dislike.
My God was a fearsome bearded figure who had me in his all-seeing, accusing eye and followed me with a perpetually pointing finger. As I grew up he faded into a vague being, towards whom I felt occasional resentment, and to whom in very rare moments in extremis I screamed for help. When life went smoothly, I didn’t think of him at all.
But recently I’ve thought about the concept of God a great deal. And that’s because the news is full, every day, of terrible things. Small girls kidnapped and never found. Old people abused and starved in nursing homes. Avalanches, earthquakes, tsunamis, diseases, famines, forest fires, wars, all bringing immeasurable suffering to people who have done nothing to deserve such misery and must also scream for help that doesn’t come. Mindless hooligans kick and batter harmless people to death for fun. Helpless animals are tortured for entertainment. Popes, cardinals, bishops live in palaces, while people sleep under sheets of plastic or in doorways. I could rant on endlessly.
I can’t believe in an “omnipotent” god who can stand by and allow natural disasters or human cruelty and hatefulness full rein.
I also struggle with this question, especially after becoming involved with Galgo rescue and seeing man’s hideous inhumanity to these dogs.
The touble is, man also has a deep need to believe in something. I want to…damn it! equally, though, if heaven doesnt have animals, it would be hell.
anyone versed in theology who can help??? bring us back to the fold…and give us back some faith in the basic goodness of this world…if possible.
By: Longnosedgreyhound on February 19, 2008
at 9:51 pm
Why would it take theology to give you hope again? Plenty can be found through secular means each and every day.
By: Matt on February 19, 2008
at 10:23 pm
Agree totally, Suse. There is no God. The very idea is ludicrous. Like you, I was brought up a raging Catholic (and Pentecostal, Church of England, Spiritualist and whatever denomination my mum fancied at the time). Somehow with me it never ‘took’, but studying Classics at college hammered the final nail into the coffin of my faith. Once I studied the New Testament in Greek, I realised the document was so faulty, so lacking in provenance, that there was never a reason to have believed any of it anyway. These days, I follow the philosophy of Wabi-sabi, and that’s a big comfort to me – no God, no afterlife, no liturgy. Just the understanding that we all come from nothing and are in a process of going back to nothing, but that the cycle itself is never-ending. xx Trish
By: trish on February 20, 2008
at 6:28 pm
Longnosedgreyhound, I do believe in something – two somethings, actually.
Firstly, I believe in “DESTINY” – which is an integral part of us from birth, and which will decide every moment of our lives for us and against which we are powerless. People talk about free will and the ability to choose the path they take: I believe that it is pre-ordained by destiny which path they will choose. Destiny rules, OK?
I also believe that when the body dies, the spirit is released and lives on.
Trish, my parents were both areligious, as far as I know, but bless them they did believe that a convent education was the best they could give their daughter. It certainly taught me as much as I ever want to know about nuns and cruelty.
By: merewoman on February 21, 2008
at 2:56 pm
http://www.3abn.org
By: andrew on June 3, 2009
at 4:49 pm
I totally agree, I cant believe in someone who lets things like that happen. Where was god when 9/11 happened? Whats he doing about poor tortured people/animals?
Where is he and whats he up too? He sure isnt watching over us…..
By: Maria on August 22, 2009
at 6:49 pm
Thank you for visiting Maria. You’re right, she’s somewhere else, if indeed she’s anywhere at all.
By: merewoman on August 25, 2009
at 3:35 pm
I’m a believer and have often struggled through the kind of questions you guys are going through. I understand you all completely. However, in my life, I’ve seen too many God-ordained things and miracles and lives changed to be able to not believe in God. I don’t believe that any argument that Christians will give will be able to change your hearts, it’s all in God’s hands. I’ll be praying for you guys, that He would work in your hearts, because I believe that’s the only way anything will happen. I’m praying for you, love you, and know that God does too!
By: chris on October 5, 2009
at 3:56 pm
Thanks, Chris, for visiting and leaving your comment, and for your prayers. Who knows, one day maybe some of us non-believers will be converted. I’m open to miracles.
By: merewoman on October 6, 2009
at 4:24 pm
I want so much to believe what many others do. Many of these people are highly intelligent. But I know how frightening it can be when you don’t believe and feel that they would rather ignore reality and believe in religion without question. I don’t fault them. I still hope that someone will say something to me that will pull me back but sadly, I feel less and less that it will happen. If you are in the box, I suggest you stay there and don’t question it. It is powerful if you can swallow it.
By: FL420 on October 6, 2009
at 6:56 pm
Yes, I have difficulty believing in God. There’s too much that leads one to not believe, yet I hope that God is there, that God knows, yet . . . . nothing.
I need forgiveness to ease my guilt, I need forgiveness to help me with all the wrongs I’ve done, for the mean, senseless things I’ve done that haunt me.
Please god be there, please God forgive me and ease my burdens.
By: Charles on November 3, 2009
at 2:34 am